ᗯіทҬЄГ ՏӉᗋᗠЄ
by Swift Rising
Summary: I wasn't truly broken, until I failed to protect the only cats I ever loved. I'm guilty, so guilty. I've done things to stay alive that no cat should ever need to do. I've killed. I've given myself to toms. I've forgotten every moral I've ever been taught. I've lost myself. My name is Shade, and mine is a tale of tragedy, lust and survival. {CONTAINS LEMONS}
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one- The duty

I slip into the dark alley, smokey gray eyes fixed on the ground. My heart thumps, and I feel guilt sear through my fur, like fire. My gray, black and white tabby fur is illuminated by the lights of the city, as snow paints the pavement around me. It falls in powdery flakes at my paws, blowing around like dust in the late fall wind. I take a deep breath of the stingy air, and take an abrupt turn behid a dumpster.

Here, there's a hole in the wall. I slip through the splintery, wooden crack, into the dim nest. The tom awaits, a dark smile cast across his face. He grins larger, looking over my starving body. If it weren't for that, I wouldn't be here.

"Get over here, dear..." He says, and I gasp at his touch. He groans, his green eyes bright against his black fur. He's not overly large, but he's tall. Taller than me, at least. I can't really see anything, in this nasty place. I don't even know his name, though I've been here twice already.

I feel his sharp teeth grasp my scruff, and he doesn't hesitate to begin his duty. He moans, penetrating me quickly and pulling back out. I whimper, but try to make it sound seductive. That's what they want. That's what will keep me alive.

"Oh yeah... baby..." He groans, his paws wrapped around my waist. He's gentle, compared to most of toms I've been with. Most don't even care. I'm a toy, you see. At least in their eyes.

But without it, I would be dead.

"Ugh..." I manage, as my body responds to his thrusts. I breath heavily, and he grunts with effort. "You like this?" I churr, smiling.

"Yeah, bitch..." He moans and gets faster. His hot body presses against mine, making me squal under his weight. I stick my claws into the damp floor to steady myself. It feels like he only gets bigger as he goes. It hurts more and more. I blink, trying to stay strong.

In a desperate attempt to make this better, I begin to moan loudly. I humped upwards against him, which he loves. It feels a little better. Out tails are entwined, as he humps me over and over again. It feels good, but I can't wait for this to be over. I feel myself getting closer, and I hope he is too. I can hear his groans over mine, as I thrusts harder. I hitch a breath, and he goes rock hard.

"Baby, I'm cumming..." He pumps faster, riding me until orgasm. I feel his hot juices begin to spurt from his tomhood. He groans, and I cum with him. I squeeze around him, savouring the only bit of pleasure I receive. He pulls out, and I try to smile.

"Here, let me clean you up." I meow, and he lays on his back. I Grab his member in my mouth, and swallow hard. He hisses with pleasure, bucking up to my lips. I bob my head, licking off every but of cum on him. He grabs my head, pulling me to him. I have no choice but to suck longer.

"Yeah, oh... fuck yeah..." He grits his teeth, and climaxs again, fast. His cum fills my mouth and I swallow. It leaks from my mouth.

"Thanks for the ride, Slut." He spits, and walks into in den. He returns moments later with a stale rat. He drops it at my feet and I grab it quickly, rushing out of the place without even saying goodbye.

I'm disgusted with myself, every time I do it. But there's no food out here. I need to stay alive. That's the thing. I've got this instict to stay alive. As much as I'd be better off dead, I just can't help it. Wild blood pumps through my veins.

OOO

I wolf down my pathetic meal on the icy roof. I like it here. I can stare down at the city, keep my eyes on everything that is going on. Other cats don't find there way up here often. I'm willing to fight if they do. I'm fourteen moons old, an adolecent she-cat. My name is shade, given to me by my long passed mother and father. Since their death, in the sixth moon of my existence, I've been alone. Giving myself to toms simply to survive. With no one to love.

I'm not even really sure if I remember what love feels like. Lust, that's another thing. I know lust like the back of my paw.

I gulp down the last of the kill, enjoying the first meal I've had in days. I blink and look around. The snow is falling thicker, blowing in dusty clouds at my feet. I pad towards the crack in the roof, and peer downwards. I'll never forget the day I found this place. I was seven moons old, and had been on the run since mum and dad were picked off by a gang of alley cats. I came up here, retreating from a dog. Little did I know it would become my shelter, and my only safe place.

I ease down into the attic area of the building. It's filled with boxes and crate, leaving me only a small narrow passage to exist in. Her, I've collected to fur of all of the prey I've eaten, along with the feathers. I've plucked at the insulation, making a sort of nest. On a sigle wire that hangs over my nest, I've hung my father's collar.

It's a long, blue cord with a silvery circle, etched with silver human letters. I don't know what it means, but father's name was Max. He used to be a housecat, but since this city met its demise years ago, he'd been on his own. that's when he met my mother and had me.

This is the only physical memory I own of him. For my mother, there is nothing.

I lay on my back, and stare at it as I fall asleep. Another day in hell.

Another day, A Stray.

OOO


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2- Mercy

The next day starts like every other has before now. It's cold.

I sigh, staring up at the cloudy sky. I'm freezing, I grudgingly rise from my nest, and glance around.

I pad down the narrow passage of my habitation, entering a small area, where there's a hole in the ceiling. heat leaks from it, and I sit above it and warm my paws. I catch a look at myself in a piece of broken glass on the floor, and groan. Oh god.

My first thought is they aren't going to like me any more. I'm not appealing enough. No tom would want to mate with a bony, starving stray. My eyes are tired, and have gone from striking gray to dull. Like the sky. I hiss, and back up, hitting the wall as I go.

I hang my head.

I weave through the boxes, climbing atop the highest crate to get outside. I slip through the crack in the roof, and the cold hits me like a ton of bricks. I whimper, slinking across the roof to take a look around. One can never be to careful. When I see the coast is clear, I leap off the roof, landing easily on my feet. Here goes another day.

Since the disaster, the city has never been the same. It was once alive with humans, all padding around and going inside of shops and laughing. They'd drive down the road in their cars, and sometimes the cars would honk and people would yell and throw their fists up in the air. Other days, it would be raining and all of the people would carry around umbrellas, to keep shelter.

I can remember fathers wise words. He told me humans weren't a worry. They didn't bother us if we didn't bother them. Part of me misses seeing this place alive with our twolegged neighbours. Part of me wishes I still had to worry about getting hit by a car to cross the street, instead of having to worry about getting beaten by a gang of cats.

Its the simple things, that you end up missing, I've learned.

I stand in the middle of the road, and stare at the old looted out buildings. The windows are shattered and the doors are ajar, if even there at all. I take a breath of the bitter air, and make my way down the road. Most of the remaining humans have picked off every last bit of value from these streets, not like there are very many anyways. The day after helicopters and people in orange suits came bounding through the city, and took away most of them.

Since then, there hasn't been much life.

I snap back into reality, suddenly, and my whole body goes tense. There's a whimper, and then a bark. I hiss, hoping to scare off whatever it is.

"Who's out there?" I spit, and something growl. It sounds like a dog. Oh god, let it not be a dog.

Before I know it, a massive canine bolts out from behind an overturned car. To creature pounds towards me, and I flee immediately. I don't see my attacker for long, but I know its a huge, black and brown dog with upturned ears.

And its hungry.

I squeal, weaving through the debris. The dog is quickly gaining on me. I take a quick turn left, down a narrow alley. The dog's shoulder brush each wall on either side. I reach the end of the passage, but it is blocked by a pile of bricks and fallen wall. My only option is to climb.

I stumble up the rough mound of garbage, scraping my pads as I go. The dog woofs loudly, and is aching close to me. It' began to climb too. I get to the top, and look around.

I turn around and look the creature in the eyes.

"Back off!" I yell, and raise my paw into the air. I hit the dogs muzzle with an much impact as I can, but it doesn't give in. I grabs me in its jaws, teeth jabbing into my skin. I wail in pain and flail my paws. My claws meet the dogs face, and a pull down. One of my paws meets it's right eye, and my only option is to blind the creature.

The minute my claws rake through its eyes, and dog wails. It drops me, and leaps around, confused. It's whimpering in pain. I catch a look at my attacker now, trying to ignore the ugly gashes I've carved in it's face. Not to mention the pain I'm feeling right now.

It is skin on bones, messy and ill looking. I try not to personify the desperate animal, but its impossible not to. I may not be able to understand it, we may be entirely different species... but...

It was just hungry. Just like me.

It falls down the mound of debris, and I'm once again washed over with guilt. I make a quick decision, and push the heaviest piece of wall I can mange down the hill. There's an innocent squeak, and silence.

It was better off dead. Just like me.

I head back down the alley, stepping carefully over the dog's body. Scarlet stains the cement. I feel sick.

OOO

I find myself padding down the street, looking for something to eat. I'm parched, and stop at a cloudy puddle. It's not clean, I know. It takes like chemicals and mud, but quenches my thirst. I sigh at the relief, blinking my heavy eyes. I stop at an old shop, which is almost completely cleared out. I'm looking for mice or rats, but there doesn't seem to be any. Soon enough I'm on the road again, feeling just as lost as usual.

The sky has cleared up a little, but snow still stains the streets. I weakly pad through the few inches that fell last light. I slip under a fallen light pole, a stop to groom my fur. I slick down the patted mess, and run my tongue through my white undercoat. Blood stains my fur, from the fight with the dog, around the deep gashes dealt by its sharp fangs. My teeth chatter, as an icy breeze drifts through the haze of rubble.

I wonder for a moment, if that dog had felt the need to survive just like me. Had they fallen into the dark realm of broken guilt, like me, or did they have a true reason the stay alive. A family?

I shake off the thought. The last thing I need to imagine right now is starving puppies. I stand up, and look around. I have to keep scavenging.

But is there really a need?

I stare at the sky. The bits of hazy blue that blink through the masses of clouds.

Where do I go from here?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3- Tremble

It comes to me, some time later, that there is nothing here. I've gone on, convincing myself that I might find something, aside from filthy water and the odd rodent skeleton. I retreat down a rubble infested path, and into what might have been a parking garage. The temperature has dropped increasingly, and the skies grow dim. I shouldn't be out here, at this hour. It's not safe, especially in my condition.

I look around, peering beneath the old vehicles, complete with dented doors and shattered windows. Some of them are overturned completely. It's dusty down here, and some snow has slipped under the lip of the building. There is an area to the left were the floor has caved in completely, and I carefully puck around it.

"Hello?" I call, and my meow echoes through the ghostly structure. There is nothing. "Is anybody here?"

Again, nothing. I sigh with relief, although any smart cat wouldn't have responded to my voice. I pad around an old truck, which is red and not entirely destroyed by the disaster, moons ago. I gaze at it for a moment, and leap upwards, muscles rippling. I land on the edge of the window, and yelp as the pointed sharps of glass, impaling my pads. I retreat onto the front seat, which is full of dust and glass.

I step around the shards with care, breathing heavily. Somebody, or something, out to kill me could be here at any moment. I peer under the seat, and growl. There is nothing but an old newspaper, that is yellowed from being there for so long. I can remember seeing humans reading them, on benches in parks and beside the roads. I'd love to go back to the park, where I used to play with some neighbouring toms and she-cats so innocently. But now, it's a bloodbath. Being almost the only place to catch real prey in the city, there are gangs of bloodthirsty cats thriving there. Maybe some of them where my friends back in the day...

At all seems to much.

I shake it off and leap to the floor of the truck. There are pawprints through the dust, so I assume someones already been through here. I feel more lost than ever. For no real reason, I leap into the back of the vehicle and glance around. Still nothing.

Then there are pawsteps.

And voices.

I gasp, and leap under the seat, pulling my paws underneath me. The pawsteps get closer, and I'm trembling with fear. I close my eyes helplessly, and listen.

"You smell something?" There's a bitter sounding, female voice, definitely female.

"Yeah... sorta." A tom says loudly, in a raspy, broken voice. "It's nothing, trust me."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Alright."

At that, they are gone.

I decide not to move. I just stay there, wallowing in fear. I'm shaking violently.

I mange to fall asleep, drifting slowly in my pool of regret. I should have turned and headed back while I could.

It's too late...

OOO

"Hey, wake up." There is a hushed voice in my ear and I flinch, opening my eyes instantly. I'm staring into a pair of emerald green eyes, and I growl, scrabbling up onto the seat.

"Holy shit, get away from me!" I bark. I'm looking at a handsome, snowy white furred tom. He looks young, but built. I back into the door, and it creaks open. The next thing I know, I'm on the ground. My whole body hurts, and the wounds from the fight with the dog seer with pain. I flail my paws, as he leaps down beside me.

"Shhh..." he says, and reaches down. he grabs me by the scruff and helps me to my feet. My eyes are so wide you can see the whites around them. But him, he wears a wry smile. I notice his paws are stained with blood, or at least what looks like blood. I genuinely think I'm going to die, but I'm cornered. I raise a paw hastily, shaking.

"No stop, please." He says, backing up. He's a good few inches taller than me, and lean muscled. I couldn't take him, not after the dog fight.

"Why?" I spit, and drag my right paw across his perfect, snowy white face. He hisses, blood pooling on his cheek. His eyes go cold, and he approaches me, pushing me into the corner.

"No, I'm not joking, honey." He says charmingly. "Shut up. There are cats out there. Messed up cats."

"But-" I begin, but he shoves a paw in my mouth. I growl and try to fight him, but he's to strong and I'm too weak.

"Listen." he spits. "You fucked my brother a couple nights ago. I'll leave you with this, and then we're going to be quiet so we don't get killed. He said you were worth keeping alive. If you want to survive out here, you are going to want to keep us on your side. Got it?"

I nod numbly, but don't say anything. He stares at me, and then looks me over. I feel exposed.

Suddenly, the whole building erupts into a frenzy of angered hissing and yowling. There are clatters and screeches, and the air almost instantly smells like blood. I feel sick. The tom still stands over me, perfectly still. His eyes are fixed on mine. He looks scared.

Though I can't make out what they are saying, the cats sound insane. They are yowling and spitting, in a brutal manner I have never heard in my life. I blink nervously, and try to move further back against the wall. The tom sets his paw on my chest, unsheathing his claws and keeping me in place. I'm so weak...

Suddenly, after some time, the place goes silent. The scent of blood has filled the place enough to make any cat sick, and the white tom eases his paw off of me, leaving four bleeding cuts where his claws heald me.

"They're gone." He breathes. "Follow me."

"Why should I?" I spit, licking at the cuts on my chest.

The tom bounds forward, hitting me across the cheek. I hiss.

"I said, follow me." He turns around while he speaks, and heads down a set of human stains at the back of the garage. I follow nervously, weak with hunger and thirst and pain.

It seems the pain will never end.

OOO


End file.
